I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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