he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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