i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
