He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
