morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
