I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
