what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
