Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
