A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
