well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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