Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with