I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF