Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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