Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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