you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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