So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
