you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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