Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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