She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
