trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize