You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
