After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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