I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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