i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Maybe he injected his testicle?