My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina