kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
