but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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