"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.