Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house