Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.