He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
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She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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