I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
