That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I met the friendliest cop last night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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