I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
