In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize