he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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