I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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