Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
