I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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