I want to have your abortion
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
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I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.