she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
two words: eviction party
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
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My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat