Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.