Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.