Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
