I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
