The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck appropriateness.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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