Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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