I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
