Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
