Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
