i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
