i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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