I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize