so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
