he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
