That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
