apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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